Author: Fiora Touliatou

Founder and owner of BNS Wellbeing, Fiora Touliatou has 14 years of experience as a complementary therapist and she has worked extensively at spas, natural therapy clinics, gyms, events and workplaces both in South Wales and London. Her qualifications include: Reflexology, Shekhem Reiki (energy healing), Indian head massage, Ayurvedic massage, Swedish massage, deep tissue massage, hot stone massage, pregnancy massage and seated acupressure massage. Apart from being a holistic therapist, Fiora is also a certified life coach and accredited fitness instructor as well as a yoga and martial arts practitioner. Fiora has worked for over 10 years at the fitness industry delivering various programmes at community centers, martial arts centers and gyms. Nowadays, she works privately with clients and delivers life coaching packages. Fiora’s niche is holistic lifestyle coaching and she deeply believes that wellbeing and happiness start from within, therefore taking holistic care of ourselves is essential in order to retain our mind-body-spirit balance.

New Year, New Mindset

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Article by Fiora Touliatou

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“New year, new me”, the motto at the beginning of each year for the trend of setting our new year’s resolutions. However, the enthusiasm fades away and the resolutions are abandoned by mid-February. Some people even go as far as to say that this doesn’t work. But why is this happening and how can we change it to achieve our goals and get the results we are dreaming of?

The quick answer to this is that we need to make the necessary changes in our lives. Although the first step is to write down our resolutions, this doesn’t mean our goals will automatically manifest into reality if we don’t work towards them. Writing down our new year resolutions is more about intention setting which is different than goal setting. Indeed, the first step for making changes is the goal setting, but that’s only the beginning. There is a lot more work to be done which takes time, consistency and discipline.

Real change starts from within and self-responsibility is essential. In brief, we need to change our mindset, have healthier habits, and be consistent with our efforts and work towards our goals on a daily and weekly basis. Changing our mindset is number one on the list of success. The real catalyst to making effective changes in life is acquiring a growth mindset as opposed to the limited mindset. The latter keeps us in a circle of procrastination, victim mentality and self-pity. Once we acquire growth mindset, we have a powerful tool to achieve anything we put our mind into.

Growth mindset vs limited mindset

Growth mindset looks like this:

  • Learning new skills and acquiring new knowledge.
  • I can achieve anything I want.
  • There are no failures, only learning experiences.
  • When one way is not working, find another way.
  • Difficulties are catalysts that challenge us to help us grow.
  • Giving up is not an option, reset, pivot and keep trying is the only option.
  • Feedback is constructive and helps me grow and improve.
  • A positive attitude and constant effort determine the result.

The opposite of this is the limited mindset which is based on limiting beliefs, having a victim mentality and blaming external factors for our failures. It basically looks like this:

  • I don’t have time or want to learn new skills, I want fast and effortless results.
  • I can either be excellent in something or not good at all.
  • My abilities are predetermined by my genes, my age, my race, my size, my education.
  • Failure proves to me that I am not good at something and I should give up.
  • Feedback is criticism and feels uncomfortable.
  • I don’t like getting out of my comfort zone.

How to acquire a growth mindset

Acquiring a growth mindset is a totally new skill on its own and can be applied to anything you want to achieve. The first step to having a growth mindset is to have the will and enthusiasm to learn new things, to be willing to get out of your comfort zone, to not be afraid to change and progress. And afterwards working constantly with different techniques such as: visualisation, positive affirmations, reading positive news/information, following motivational speakers or social media pages, being surrounded by positive and encouraging people.

SMART goals

Now, how do we go from goal setting into manifesting our goals?

The third step after setting intentions and acquiring a growth mindset is goal setting by using the SMART model from life coaching. The SMART goals acronym stands for the qualities that each of your goals should have:

  • Specific: be specific and focused about what your goal is as well as how you will work towards it
  • Measurable: define what success is for you; how will you know whether you achieved your goal
  • Achievable: a goal should be challenging but reasonable and realistic to achieve.
  • Realistic/Relevant: be honest with yourself whether this goal is really what you want, aligned to your values, beliefs and a priority
  • Timebound: every goal should have a target time/date, so it gives your motivation, discipline and focus. However, you need to set a realistic time frame for each goal you set up.

For example, let’s choose a goal which is very common as a new year’s resolution: getting fit (or fitter if you already are exercising a bit). So being Specific is how fit you want to be: is a small change enough or do you want a big change? (This will also determine your Timebound quality). So let’s say you want to have visible results and also feel better and more confident.

Once you decide about your Specific goal, define the Measurable: what the success of your goal is, thus at what point you will be happy with achieving it. So in this case, have a vision of how you would like your body to look and how you imagine you will feel with your new image.

And then you need to define Achievable: find out what fitness styles and routines you need, how regularly and for how long you need to train for until you get to your goal. For noticing some changes, it can take 1-3 months, but for big transformation if can take 6-12 months. This is somehow challenging, but achievable, as long as your training and discipline are consistent.

However, be Realistic (aka Relevant) as to whether this goal is what you really want versus what others have made you believe you want. This could be peer pressure from your family, friends, workplace or even your exposure to social media to what society’s standards should be. If you don’t really believe in your goal but you are made to believe you need it, it’s not going to work on the long run and you will eventually give up.

And finally, your goal needs to be Timebound and have a target time. Depending on your previous choice in regards to Achievable, this target time could be anywhere from 3, 6 or 12 months. And now that you set up your Smart goal, get ready to see your desired goal manifesting!

Last but not least, don’t wait for January to set up new goals. Don’t wait for Monday to start a diet, don’t wait for any future date to change your life. The present moment is the most important, start here, now, today!

Self care is not selfish

Posted on by Fiora Touliatou

Article by Fiora Touliatou

Photo by Madison Inouye from Pexels

With the dawn of the new year, we all start making resolutions and goals. Even if we don’t literally write them down, we all have hopes for a good year and our priority is a better quality of life, health, happiness, fulfillment and prosperity. Therefore, we make an effort and start investing in our wellbeing. And here is where the meaning of self care emerges and a deeper knowledge of the subject is needed in order to fully understand how we will successfully improve our wellbeing.

Nowadays, the meaning of self care is so misunderstood that there are different myths about it that, unfortunately, many people mistakenly believe. The most common beliefs are that self care is a time-consuming selfish indulgence and it is all about a superficial physical pampering. Although physical pampering is indeed one way to practice self care, it is however only one type of the different physical types which belong to one category in the list of the different self care categories that you can practice!

The big bold truth is that self care is a mindful and holistic daily practice that covers all aspects of our lives. Ideally, it should be a holistic lifestyle that, when done properly and with consistent effort, it nurtures all aspects of our wellbeing. Life is diverse and complicated and so are we and our health! Taking care of ourselves in a mindful way that covers all areas of our lives, not only is not selfish and a waste of time, but crucial for our existence, happiness and prosperity! Apart from our general and holistic wellbeing, self care leads to building resilience and replenishing us, both physically and emotionally. Most importantly, self care can even prevent a burn-out or a mental break down, which are so common in our modern society these days.

So what are the different categories of self-care and what types of practice does each category contain? Let’s have a look!

Social self care – healthy connections and healthy communication

  • making healthy connections, relationships and communicating in a healthy way with others
  • connecting with people with similar interests, views, beliefs (in person or online via social media)
  • spending quality time with friends and family
  • keeping in contact with people who lift you up and have a positive impact on your life (even if it is a short text or voice message)

Educational self care – self-growth through knowledge and life-long learning

Emotional & Mental self care – anything that contributes and affects our emotional & mental wellbeing; these 2 categories are so interwoven that most types of practices below are affecting both of them

  • journaling to express and release your thoughts and emotions
  • art therapy or dance therapy to express and release your emotions
  • meditation
  • good sleep
  • yoga
  • making time for fun and hobbies
  • solitude & introspection in silence; distance yourself from everything (not only physically but also digitally) to reconnect with yourself, find your inner balance, process your emotions, process thoughts and generally release what does not serve you
  • keeping up with your tasks, responsibilities, work, finances etc
  • Earthing, aka grounding
  • spending time in nature
  • Epsom salt baths; the combination of salt and water can release both muscular tension and negative emotions from your energetic field
  • mindfulness (either on your own or with a mindfulness coach)
  • positive affirmations
  • positive self-talk
  • talking therapies, such as councelling, CBT, psychology, psychotherapy etc
  • finding your purpose and manifest your dreams and goals (either on your own or with a coach)

Physical self care – anything that contributes to and affects our physical wellbeing

  • healthy and balanced meals
  • good sleep
  • drinking plenty of water
  • exercise (sports, gym,dance)
  • yoga
  • Epsom salt baths; the combination of salt and water can release both muscular tension and negative emotions from your energetic field
  • massage
  • dry brushing
  • keeping yourself groomed and presentable (the opposite is actually a sign of poor and declining mental health!)

Spiritual self care – a very personal practice that can be different for each one

  • having a faith (not necessarily religion but spiritual practice that connects us to the meaning of life and gives us purpose)
  • spiritual practices that make us better people, kinder, more compassionate and humble
  • unconditional helping/volunteering for others, community, animals, environment etc; offering services to contribute to others

The list is to be used as a suggestion and advice. There so much more types of self care and the list is endless. Please use the above list as a general guide for inspiration, start investing in your own self care and encourage others to do the same! Let’s create a better future starting from making changes in our lives!

What is Mindfulness

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Article by Fiora Touliatou

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Mindfulness has become very popular in the West over the last decade. More and more people are getting interested to explore the topic and many corporates are now offering seminars for the wellbeing of their staff. For those who don’t know what it is, it may sound like a new age trend but the truth is quite the opposite.

Mindfulness is a way of being that everyone is capable of. More precisely, it is the practice of bringing our attention to the present moment, about reconnecting with ourselves and living to our full potential every day.

The difference between mindfulness and meditation

Although they complement and reflect each other, they are not the same. Their main differences are:

  • Mindfulness is about being aware of something, while meditation is about becoming aware of nothingness.
  • Mindfulness can be applied to any situation or activity throughout the day, while meditation is practiced for a specific amount of time.

What mindfulness is not

There are a few common misconceptions which can be misleading and confusing. Some of them are:

  • Mindfulness is not a religion, although it was originally founded on Buddhist and Hindu practices plus other ancient teachings. It is a practice that anyone from any religion or background can learn it. Actually, we all have it within us, therefore we just need the tools to unlock access to our inner capacities.
  • Mindfulness is not the same as positive thinking. It is rather being realistic and accepting everything, good, bad and neutral. However, it can help us think more positively by being more resilient and compassionate.
  • Mindfulness is not a miracle cure that will magically dissolve our problems. However, it is a tool to train our mind which can help us deal with our stress and problems. Moreover, it can help us become emotional resilient and calm during difficult times thus overcoming challenges with more ease.

In conclusion, mindfulness is for everyone regardless of culture, religion, age or status. Daily practice helps us be in harmony with our past and, on the same time, helps us accept the future with more optimism. The long-term aim of the practice is to change our perceptions, expand our awareness, increase our compassion and reprogram ourselves into a positive mindset so we can eliminate stress and be grateful and happy every single day.

The transformational journey from sorrow to happiness

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Article by Fiora Touliatou

“The wound is the place where the light enters you”

Rumi

Photo by Mikhail Nilov from Pexels

I am gonna tell you a secret. Well, not totally secret but something that I don’t talk about often…

I usually talk about positive thinking, post positive and funny things, speak with positive words and affirmations, talk about practicing the law of attraction, being emotionally resilient and focusing on the positive things, and having a positive mindset etc Therefore people think that I have no bad days, no problems, that I live in a bubble, a castle or on another planet (lol)

But the truth is totally the opposite. Not only I have been to dark places and experienced dark moments and trauma, but I also had to save myself and find ways to heal myself. And I did it! How? I discovered inside me my power. But to ignite that power I had to reach the bottom, many times. I had to experience the highs and lows. And when I was low, this power fueled me and I kicked myself up again.

What I want to tell you is that pain is a portal where you can transform your emotions from negative to positive. You discover a switch and transform them because they are essentially energy. But to do this, you need to step aside and watch the whole situation in your life as an observer. Firstly, disattach from the emotions. Emotions and thoughts are messengers so give them space but don’t identify with them. Observe them, take the message, see the lesson and then, like a spiritual alchemist, transform the pain into life, light, joy and positivity.

I don’t mean we are supposed to enjoy pain, of course not. But there is a deeper meaning in our suffering. It’s only through pain, anger, sorrow and negative emotions that we can explore the depths of our human existence. We need this wide range of emotions as an amplifier to expand our consciousness and evolve. The Shamans call this “the dark days of the soul” and consider this process a spiritual blessing and transformation. Your suffering helps you rebirth a new version of yourself. Once you realise this, you discover your super power. And from this perspective, you can face any challenge that comes your way.

The happy hormones and how to activate them naturally

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Article by Fiora Touliatou

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Essentially, we all want to be happy. But if we don’t use natural and healthy ways to create happiness, we might end up with the opposite results.

Many people, especially in the capital cities, use chemical substitutes as a shortcut to happiness such as cigarettes, alcohol and recreational drugs. Although these serve as a fast fix, they may create addiction, bad habits, health deterioration, depression or/and other serious mental health issues.

So how can we stimulate our brains naturally in order to create happiness?

Our brain secretes a wide range of neurochemicals, also known as hormones, and some of them are called the happy hormones. Here is a list with them and some suggested activities/tips that help to release them!

Serotonin, the balance hormone:

  • Eat healthy & balanced meals (aka serotonin food)
  • Stay in the sun for 20 every day
  • Spend time in nature
  • Practice mindfulness (which includes many activities that can be included as mindfulness exercises)
  • Practice meditation
  • Sleep well
  • Read books
  • Use herbal remedies

Dopamine, the reward hormone:

  • Practice self-care
  • Listen to music
  • Achieve a goal

Endorphin, the pain reliever:

  • Receive a massage
  • Use essential oils
  • Exercise
  • Eat dark chocolate

Oxytocin, the bonding hormone:

  • Physical touch – being affectionate and especially hugs!
  • Massage (again!)
  • Socialise
  • Spending quality time with family and loved ones
  • Having pets or generally spend time with animals
  • Compliment others
  • Offering unconditional help

Apart from all these suggestions, having a holistic balance in our lives is also crucial for our happiness and mental health. If we live day-by-day in unhappy jobs, houses, relationships, no matter how much we practice all the above, it’s inevitable that we will feel unfilled and unhappy. Making the right choices and changes in our lives/lifestyles, is a big stepping stone to our happiness. If you need guidance and help, you can always talk to a life coach. Check our Holistic LIfestyle Coaching programme for more!

Please note, if you follow most of these advices and you still find it hard to be happy, you probably need to talk to a mental health professional such as psychologist, psychotherapist or councellor. Or you might simply have a vitamin D deficiency so a visit to your doctor for some exams might be beneficial!

Mindful Walking Exercise

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Article by Fiora Touliatou

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With November already here, it’s the perfect time to try this mindful walking exercise! Enjoy the autumn colours while clearing your mind and recharging energetically in nature!

Mindful walking is a mindful meditation exercise, a type of mindfulness practice. It is a simple way to transform walking into a mindful observation. Having a stroll while noticing everything around us without judgement helps us to become present in the moment. You can walk anywhere you like (make sure you are safe) but ideally try walking in nature: a park, a forest, or whatever is available in your area.

First of all, try walking in silence for a minimum of 5-10 minutes. Avoid talking if you are in a group or talking on the phone if you are on your own. Then, observe each step, the movement of your legs, your arms, your posture. Once you are mindful of your body’s movement, then you are centered and you can really begin to observe your surroundings. Now watch the sounds, colours, shapes, smells, trees, animals, every little detail around you. If your mind starts to drift away, simply bring it back to your mindful observation without judgement.

You can of course combine the mindful walking exercise with the walking meditation practice. Just make sure you have adequate time so you can really focus and enjoy the whole experience without rushing to get back to your routine and daily tasks!

7 anger management tips

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Article by Fiora Touliatou

We all have to face situations in our daily lives that other people make us angry. Many of them can be so toxic that they are capable of making us upset! How can we manage this without losing our temper?

  • Avoid answering or saying anything until you are calm. We often regret what we say when we are angry. Avoid replying to messages or emails if the communication is digital. Get out of the room or distract yourself with something uplifting when the conflict is face-to-face.
  • Think and use your words carefully before you speak. Words can make a big difference. They can either improve the disagreement or make it worse.
  • Be simple and clear when you express what has bothered you. Avoid sarcasm and insults.
  • Use breathing and mindfulness exercises. Focusing on your breath and the present moment, calms down both your mind and your heart.
  • If you find it hard to release your anger and it keeps bothering you, you can divert this negative emotion/energy into exercise and release it in a constructive way. Martial arts are an ideal form of exercise for releasing anger
  • Try to take an empathetic perspective rather than having a victim mindset. See the whole situation as an observer and disattach from the feelings that make you upset.
  • If you realise you are struggling and cannot deal with the source of your anger, please contact a professional psychologist or other mental health counselor to find more ways to resolve things. There is no shame in asking for help. Moreover, a professional certainly knows better ways and can give us more tools.

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